Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I need water and some morals
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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