everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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