I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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