Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize