It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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