so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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