i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
