so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
