So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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