You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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