so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
