I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
