3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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