I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
