Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
