does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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