Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
