I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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