Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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