i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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