you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
