When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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