he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
