Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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