this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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