So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
