Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
