so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
