Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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