Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize