Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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