I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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