well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
