Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
