I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
