No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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