member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
