whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
