Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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