Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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