Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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