Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
