I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i came on her dog
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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