4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
