I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
