I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I came so hard my ears popped.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
