Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize