he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
