The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
