Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
