My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
