her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
