He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
