Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
