Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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