yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
