I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
