Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
