after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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