I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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