i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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