your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
