Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize