i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So vagazzling was a success
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
