I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
