She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Randomize
