There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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